On the occasion of my 80 year old mother going into hospice yesterday 

44 years ago to the day my mother survived the death of my father, the love of her life, with whom she in her mind will soon be with once again.

I’m heart broken.

That being said 58 year old me being a Vajrayana person I am nothing if not prepared to share with you what this moment means to me.

At least the part that has to do with what to the subject we have been discussing here, the difference between the Vajrayana and the Mahayana as it pertains to what I am going through with my mother.

I’ve been going through this for 44 years with her, the heart break of life without my father, long story short, what Mahayana people call samsara.

It’s a teachable moment for these people.

So much for all their talk of compassion.

This is who these people are. 

To help unpack this I submit for your consideration a song from April 23, 2003 of then 69 year old Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche arranged and translated by Jim Scott when they were in Tenerife 13 years ago.

“As long as you don’t realize there is no aging in reality
The suffering of aging is inconceivably hard

If, when you’re old, you don’t remember there’s a Dharma so uplifting

That’s karmic actions from before, just catching up with you

As long as you don’t realize there is no illness in reality

The suffering of illness is inconceivably hard

And since you never know when some illness just might come and strike you down

The thing to do is practice Dharma; that is what will heal the pain

The nature of samsara is not based anywhere

You look at it, but what you find is, you cannot find it

If realized, surprise, surprise, it turns out it’s nirvana

The nature of everything is the emptiness
Yogis and yoginis never try to cling to this”


As a Vajrayana person I have had over the years with my mother no shortage of opportunities no shortage of opportunities practice that which Rinpoche speaks, letting go.

Good in the beginning, good in the middle, good in the end.

For a Mahayana person it is otherwise.

Don’t be such a person.

My mother is resting comfortably this morning.

The drama continues.



Filed under Buddhism

10 responses to “On the occasion of my 80 year old mother going into hospice yesterday 

  1. The best waves always have an undertow.

  2. Drolma

    Sorry to hear. I worked for hospice and I had two family members on it who have passed.

  3. Sam

    My parents died when I was much younger, dad, step dad then mother within three years.
    It’s difficult watching people you depended on becoming dependent in turn, then leaving this life. It’s a great lesson and an opportunity to see them through the guise of temporary roles, and to let them go past their suffering brings peace. I hope you take time for yourself during your mother’s transition, since your happiness is something she will also enjoy and it will support her.

  4. Ryderjaphy

    Sorry about your mom. Wish you well despite our differences…

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